FoundAlongRoad

Talk about coming out of the darkness
Feel like I need a damn harness
To tether me to the ground or to fuck you how you like, whichever whatever night
And yes it’s all still very sexual
But it’s also all the things you do
Like simply existing as you
And I’ve gone somewhere else now
Before, it was a rocket up to the clouds
Floating high till I hit where I couldn’t breathe
Mind spinning lost in you lost at sea
And I had realities crashing at speed
Like the way this wave came over me
I never meant to fall in love
With you
And I had to go to a darker place
To balance all these chemicals
And face that I’ll have to let it all go
Let you go
But it’s the calm after the storm now
I’m sure there will be more rain pouring down
But it’s daylight
And it’s soft and I found myself
Found as much as I lost in your eyes
How far I’ve fallen I couldn’t tell
But I’ve made peace with goodbye
And that you’ll still live in me
Like sunlight
When it hits my skin
Like your smile when it hits my heart again
Every time
I wasn’t prepared to be so vulnerable
You opened cracks in me I didn’t even know
And I was scared and uncomfortable
Even being carried on this calm water
Making wake around me, I’d struggle
I had to sink a while to come back at ease
I had to get a little dirty before I could come clean
With my own mind
Now I feel like me all the time
A little up and down you know I’m always a little much a little crazy I love the chaos and the way we spin around this coming so close and every little bite in your words I get that dopamine hit every night that it’s like this and I’m a little addicted cuz you’re a whole lot addictive
But I was terrified to move or hold still
Trying to get there through sheer force of will
And when I ran out of it I broke down
Alone with only my walls crumbling around
And it’s like how every day with you I fall so much deeper but every time I start to break I find that much more healing and idk how something that feels so much like home can only exist in my head but I keep waiting for it to bring all my worst parts forward and all I get
Is daylight
I mean sometimes my scars rise
And I spiral like I’m looking for my own demise
But then I put it all back better than ever and it never doesn’t feel right
I keep waiting for you to not feel right
How can I belong with someone who’s heart will never be mine
And I keep waiting for that heartbreak to kick in and latch on to my side
But it never doesn’t feel right
So many double negatives for something so fine
And dwindling time is a fine line
So I cut this stubborn hope off at the knee
The delusions alluding to destroying me
But when I opened my eyes I felt like myself
And when I walked in the door it felt like nothing else
I’ve had before
Before, I’ve made a home in someone’s heart
Before, I’ve had everything that sets love apart
But no matter how little sense it makes
Everything in me calls your name
And it doesn’t shatter me that you’ll probably never feel the same..
Maybe someday
It’ll break me
But I see walking away
That day coming swiftly
And I feel that peace coming with me
Tho I know a piece of me
Will be steady longing to stay
Right back here.
But without any fear
I just appreciate
And that petulant hope still catches flame
Journeys to go to keep putting me back together
But this is the most me I’ve been yet
Baby steps
And this is the most surreal experience
Not over yet
So I may still burn in these rays
Flying too close is a habit of mine
But it has been weeks worth of days
And through every pain I come out more alive
This time I dealt with some ghosts and hauntings
Ripped open some locks
And you’d think this would be daunting
Taking armor off
But it slipped from me like how laughter falls between us
Easily and full of meaning
Mostly on my side
But I see that glint in your eye
Everything good in me moved right into there
That sliver that bit of elusive perfection
The naked constant connection
Where everything crackles just for an instant
And I swear for just a second
I’m not the only one in this
And I’ll reside in those moments forever
I won’t ask you to admit it, but I won’t hide the way they tether
All of me to this daylight.