FoundAlongRoad

And my heart aches from emotion I can’t contain
I swear I’ll quit smoking
Tempting the too-late
Cuz it all feels that way
I am who I am and you won’t like it
He’s gone and I can’t get him back again
I’m damaged and I feel this faulty functioning
I have all this rage I knew would come but was I just holding it in or was it late
How am I back at the beginning again
The trauma that doesn’t end
Clinging to love that doesn’t make me feel safe again
But could anything
The squirm in my guts thinking about what if you did love me enough
To understand
I think I still crave it like the day I was born but now it’s terrifying and it’s disappearing like a glimmer a tease just so close to the dream and now it’s haunting me but I am in shambles again so where would I even let anyone in
All across this broken glass
And yet to you I am attached
And I think I’m mad at myself for holding on
For still letting my heart beat for you when I know what it’ll never be and what it could be again will kill me
It’s the harsh reality
But you try and you cry and my heart breaks and I wanna hold you but then I know it won’t mend your cracks and I’ll be alone inside still just waiting until you bruise me again
What an outlook
A few calm moments in the turbulent sea
Of projecting wounds
That was you and me
But now I’m a mess too
Can’t blame it all on you
I’m dizzy on these meds and frustrated and scared
And I wish she was here but I hate her
And I felt alone even with her
But I felt like she loved me
And she destroyed me
And you.. I feel like you love..
But I don’t feel loved
Love is like the air to your drowning
And it comes out your pores and surrounds me
And I try I try to take it in
But it doesn’t scream my name
I think mine now might be the same
Desperation
Clawing at a sinking ship
I think years ago we could’ve been soulmates
And now idk if there’s enough of us left
But idk how to let go
Cuz you try
And I wanna try
Let’s smack right into that wall again
I know it isn’t budging
I told myself I wouldn’t I can’t not again
But my heart always betrays me
But this time the stress will literally kill me
And so I’m angry
At everything..
Gotta pick up these pieces again, is there even enough of me left..
Not so long ago I loved myself
I felt it slipping but I can’t put my finger
On how I got this way
Or how to get back
Except that it was everything
And one breath at a time