FoundAlongRoad

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Live my life on my time
And put my energy where I want and not where I don’t
I’ve learned how to be on my own
But months go by and I can speak easier now and there are things I found and one of them is how to reach a place where it’s all settled down and physically it may always burn but emotionally there was a turn onto a back road and loving you feels like a slow country drive just soaking in peace and the way you glow now the only battle inside is at how you don’t know and I don’t think you love someone who can really see you and tho it seems cruel of fate I know it may be your journey

The constriction always bearing down has seemed to mostly release me now
And I falter and my mind is always slower
And the emotion comes out like every little bit is so important for you to get
Cuz I care so much when it comes to you and idk why but aside from all this it has always been true
This need for you to know the truth
Like you’re one of few who might be able to
And I never get to say enough but the relief that the words spill out without holding myself back now
Is a barrier that’s finally been taken down
And from the kitchen I hear you laughing and feel the smile my very heartbeat makes just pausing at the beauty of your happiness

For a moment I tried to rip my life down
Subconsciously self-destructing always comes around
Losing myself in distractions cuz it’s hard to feel how
I feel when I don’t know if it’s real
Cuz it’s tangible for me but ethereal in reality
And something that will never be
Any more than unwanted to you
And yet this stubborn voice in me comes through
When I’m done with the chaos of pulling in things I don’t want
It says softly to me
‘Is it really so bad loving someone who doesn’t love you
When the act of loving her makes you feel alive and puts hope back in your eyes?’
I know hope is my most dangerous delusion but on the other side of it the hope that you give is that love isn’t just chemical or fleeting but the thing I always believed in even in the face of every bit of evidence to the contrary like the part of me down deep that wants to believe magic can exist, that’s what loving you brings, hope in something bigger in a connection and there’s no darkness in this no negative emotion lives in it those are human things and I will wrestle with my demons but they are not what this purity of love gives, in it there are no conditions and there is no dam in being unrequited it is an entire energy flow on it’s own encompassing everything whether or not we know..