FoundAlongRoad

I think this has already started to be
And should continue as
My era of honesty
With myself especially
And with who I care about
I’ve been so good at hiding from myself
Even more than from the world
And concentrating on who I thought I should be
Instead of knowing me
It’s always been in there down deep
Some I didn’t have the words for
I’m sure it’s a lifelong journey
But I feel like I had so much denial
And removing it feels so free
It’s also fucking terrifying
To be authentic and vulnerable
Accept rejection and give authenticity
As much as life allows
Maybe my silent biggest obstacle
I buried parts of me from me
And I’m learning to recognize my patterns
And needs
Such a treacherous path
But it also feels like peace.

So maybe I don’t know what fate will hold
Or if I believe in it
But though I feel as if led through hell
I can’t say I’ve been steered wrong yet
On the bigger picture
Or at least in most things
Other than how I led myself astray
Constant little ways every day
I hope I live long enough to get someplace
But then again all the steps along the way
Are what I love the most anyway.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to accept what I’ve lost but I’ll also never take for granted what I’ve found. That’s the most I can do right now.