FoundAlongRoad

It’s been so long since I hit you up late at night
I made that choice but sometimes I wanna try
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I’m managing
I’m just scared I’ll cycle back
To a little bit of a maniac
Everything’s been more peaceful when it comes to that
But I feel it simmering
Under my skin
Every minute
Scared of an eruption
I wish I knew how to not want you..
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And that’s the struggle in my mind
It’s not a bloody battle just whispers of knowing why
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I guess when it’s time to learn something the universe doesn’t kid around
Kicked me and knocked my crutch right out
No physical release
No running away
Forcing me to sit and face
Who I’ve become
And what I use to forget
The unhealthy things I find my worth in
But god could it have happened
With anyone else..
Of course not I guess
Cuz I didn’t want anyone else like this
Maybe I’m supposed to examine it
But I don’t know where to begin
One thing at a time
So I don’t lose the rest of my mind
Unpack the past
Slide slowly through the present
So I don’t end up looking back
Thinking shit I fucked it up again..
Cuz I can’t listen to my own head
It whispers sweet delusions
Sometimes even the dark things
Are part of getting me
To keep hitting repeat
On everything that got me here
So I step slowly
The path is never clear
And I’ll eventually end up somewhere
So when I don’t know where I’m going
The destination has me a little scared
Cuz I follow those yellow bricks
And when the fog lifts
I’m right back where I started
After walking for years..
Can’t turn a different direction when it all leads the same place, gotta move carefully, have to change.. the very movement I make..
No instructions just leaps of faith..
That maybe I’m growing and if I’m wrong I’m going
Back to start do not pass go
Sometimes I think it’s supposed to take me in a circle
Cuz it’s not the destination it’s the journey
And if I’m careful I’ll still end up where I started
But I’ll be a better me..

Or maybe I’m just crazy.