FoundAlongRoad

I got so caught up
In feelings
In being around you again
And now I feel like fuck
I didn’t mean to do all this
No good for anyone
But I wanna be able to be there with you
Not a burden
But I still write things I shouldn’t
I still dream about you some nights
Even though I know you and me wouldn’t be right
But now I have trouble meeting your eyes
Idk what’s going on in that gorgeous mind
You took me in when I needed it
And deal with my days when I’m less than
Fucking anything
I’m sorry I put so much on you
I wanna meet your eyes again
Pain and all
But I’m scared I’ll fall
Even farther
Pull you down with me
But into darker
Maybe I don’t have that power
But I don’t have much over me lately
And you deserve better
In someone who you give your time to
So I gave it back
I don’t mean to abandon you
Just dealing
And feeling
Like I’m too much like I always do
But I swear I’ll get back to
Picking up all the slack I left
And bringing back laughter in those moments
I just thought you could use a rest
And I had to go somewhere alone let it taint me and leave you alone so I don’t share the stain on me but now I’m sorry too
Sometimes I think about how I ended up here
I think about the things you say the ones that are clear
And I don’t know what to make of any of it or of the pain or the fear
But I hold onto the good stuff too
I haven’t been much good for you
I know I’ve said it before
I never cease to surprise myself with new lows
I wanna give more
I just had to break through doors I had closed
And face what’s inside
But that’ll be the rest of my life
I need balance
And I think I’m scared I don’t have that with you
And what the lack has made me do
Overthinking
And not thinking enough
It’s not really that tough
It’s just looking into your eyes
Brings up new stuff
And I’m a coward
And I shared too much
But it’s good for me
And I need
To be good for you
Don’t just wish but do
A new leaf
But what if it’s just the old one
That scares me too ..
Or maybe it just scares me that it doesn’t scare me
With you

But I’ve been unpacking feelings
To feel less
Sick of not being
Who you need
Have I ever known how to be a friend..