FoundAlongRoad

And I’m losing it now
I swear I had been mourning
I just wanna be sane again
Able to think about other things
But you’re under my fucking skin
Screaming at myself to please be more than my hormones but then I remember your moans..
Why does my brain want to destroy me
Turn me to mush make me useless
It’s crazy that it would be so easy
To go back to that fucking ex
And I don’t want to
That’s the barest truth
I only want you
Maybe it’ll get out of my system
Maybe I’ll be able to see I can be love but really don’t want the relationship
If I can get under all the fucking yearning
Can we give in, my fucking mind is burning
Turning to ashes at the heat
You bring up in me
I really think it would improve
If you would just make a move
Can we just try it
We’re not freaking kids
Anymore
Should be a point toward we can do this
Tell me you still want it
Or tell me if you don’t
But you better mean it
Cuz either fucking or grieving
I need a change I’m going insane
Can’t sleep can’t ()
I’m too old for this and maybe it’ll be terrible and I can get over it
Maybe it’s just what you need and maybe we can just be friends with benefits
Do you really think I couldn’t do that even in love I could do that in my sleep
Especially with an old friend old hookup who I love as a person and am ()
I’m losing it
I was trying to make peace with you not wanting me but you said those things and came so close it’s too late for leading-on something’s gotta give and I know you don’t believe it but I need you to trust me and my healing and that I’m an adult and I can handle this

I’ll handle it a whole lot better than the thought of maybe never having your lips on my neck or () ever again

Shit I’m getting graphic
I’m not gonna make it through this, don’t you see it’s harder to just be your friend without your touch or your kiss than to have my heart broken? I’ve been there a million times and I’ll live, I don’t even want a relationship, you’re the only exception but for my healing there shouldn’t be an exception but my point is
I’ve gone through the unrequited love shit since I was a kid
But I’ve never lived with you and yet lived without you like this
When I fucking want you like this
I’ve never been so goddamn attracted
And you’ve never not tried to get
Me into your bed
Slowly but moving forward
And now we’re older
So let’s speed this up
So maybe I can have a life and be a better fucking friend than not being able to stress about anything that should be thought about for more than five minutes cuz then it leads me to you which leads me to daydream of you leading me to your room, I swear you can call the shots but you monopolize all my thoughts and I don’t think it’s healthy to want you so much so if there’s any part of you that wants to be touched..()
I did it again, do you see what it’s like in my head and that’s not even the part where every conversation you can say anything and I just look at you and think god she’s beautiful.. and I still hang on your every word but I get so worked up sometimes distracted cuz your hands look like heaven and your eyes pull me into their depths and I just wanna feel your breath on me right before our lips connect and when you smirk at me I swear I can’t breathe for an amount of time where I should be dead and when you vent I could listen forever just to ease any tiny bit I can when I can’t really do anything and wanna take you in my arms and mold the world to make you smile again cuz I know you’re a badass and handle everything but you shouldn’t have to, you shouldn’t have to fight and hurt and not know your own worth when you’re damn near perfect, forged from trauma and torment into a fucking goddess () and nothing will change that it’s all already a part of me so guess what I gotta deal with that anyway but when I’m not already going crazy from being powerless to ease your stress and unable to give you comfort, I’m watching you, hurting and bruised and fucking gorgeous, keep swinging and keep giving all this never-ending love you have and never getting enough back and that’s just your reality babe, it’s the webs we already weaved and we’ll go day by day but do you really think taking an escape for a little while into your body into the clouds would make anything worse cuz I’ll do anything to ease your hurt but I’ll feel like that anyway so if there is any day where you wanna be alone I’ll be ok, but where you wanna be loved just tell me then me or him, I’m fine either way or we can fucking alternate, but if you wanna be touched.. we got just a few months.. and the only thing it’ll really change is I won’t be going so fucking insane. () ()
I’m losing it.