FoundAlongRoad

Think I don’t believe in love anymore
As it should be
And I don’t want it ever again
As it pretends
Perfect memories inside an illusion
But if you feel it does that make it real
The fallout takes too much to heal

If I had what I wanted would I even be happy
Or does it only make me better having to be better, to keep trying

I think my toxic trait is needing motivation
An uphill battle
In anything really
Especially relationships
But love I can do as a verb
When I want to
And excitement is the only kindling it needs
Wit, humor, tempt and tease
Keep me on my toes
Like I don’t even have feet
And underneath the current it calms me
In chaos I find tranquility
The best me
It keeps the dark at bay only lapping at my heels
When I bend down to heal
And idk why I’m this way..

(-)
One moment I think
If I’m only living for me
Why not have a little fun
But with her it’s dangerous
And I don’t wanna go backwards
I want my power back
Fix who I am
I guess I haven’t made up my mind yet
Except to accept what it’ll never be
But it’s nice being able to only give in when I want to
For the first time
And someday it won’t feel like
I’m still close to the edge
Of losing me again
Most days it’s getting better

(-)
Then I think of pulling back from you
Am I too invested
Would I drown on my own
I don’t think so
But it’s definitely darker if I did
What irony
Need a minute to breathe and maybe be sad
Get in touch with myself without being distracted
But I don’t want your light to go away
Or the light it leads me to in me
But does it ever do that for you
When you can’t understand the words I say
Regroup
And try a different way, the way you need me to
Cuz I can handle the darkness for some time
To give you space so you can fly
Can’t fix your broken wings
Can’t save anyone, anything
I suppose it’s not meant to be
And I have to take time to breathe
And accept that
Three steps forward and two back
In trying to be human again
Duality