FoundAlongRoad

I don’t know if I can write about you the same way
I feel like a fog has lifted from my perception
Or maybe something shifted in your affections
There was a change in my mind
Felt everything getting closer
But going in a different direction
It’s like nothing is quite over
But there is a piece missing
And then I sit back and think did I imagine all of that?
The way you talk about before like it wasn’t anything
The way the spark now doesn’t seem the same
I don’t think I made it up, I’ve lived in picking everything up, emotions.. and I always get what I want and then break it, break me..
But you talk about before like I had it all wrong
and I already know we didn’t experience any touch the same
And I’m not sure if the fire in your eyes is gone
Or if I hear it differently when you say my name
Cuz one night doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist
But I can’t help but think I might’ve misjudged this
Maybe I’m not anything
I know I’m not nothing
And that means everything
But maybe I wanted it so much I exaggerated the moments of electricity
That sounds like something I’d do in fact I do that perfectly
I know there were a few times
Where your wants aligned with mine
And for a split second you were there with me
But maybe what I thought meant that it was buried deep
Is actually just the bare minimum want of me
I know it isn’t non-existent
But maybe I missed it
Being less than I wanted to believe
Honestly that makes sense to me
Now that I think back to all the hints and evidence
And the way I can see more clearly
Now that I’m vulnerable
Now that I gave some power away
I knew you never had the drive to climb fully inside my mind
And I told myself that’s fine
Most people don’t want that with anyone anyway
And I placed these bleeding newly formed feelings, these shaky pieces of my deepest depths, these unwrapped words meant to stay in the dark, these unrefined bits from the most hidden parts of me.. right into your hands
Do you know that you’re the first one who ever got me to do that
I mean ever
I can’t tell you how much
Your easy belief and caring push
Soothes one of my deepest wounds
But I put so much into your hands
Just waiting for your eyes to land
On my broken spewing unworthy confessions
And even if you weren’t the muse I’d feel like this
Maybe it’s for the best if it sits forgotten
Like every other attempt
With less personal things
That made the bruise in the first place
Maybe I’m not ready for this
But I didn’t hit unsend and it’s too late
I guess it’s good for them to be somewhere
In case the end creeps up from nowhere
But I released so much and feel so bare
It made space for shadows to climb up my back
And I can deal with that
But this feeling like I built this up
Embarrassed I took so many liberties
But then again it’s me
And we’ve been so far way back when
But then again it’s a new you
And I am a bit insane
Can’t trust my own brain
Maybe it’s all a hallucination
If so just let the instability have me
I liked it there.