FoundAlongRoad

3am and season 3 of generation q
Got me rethinking everything I wanted a couple hours ago
I don’t wanna get over you
I know I have to
I read our bond on the pattern
And my mind ran with scenarios of what we could do
Tomorrow I’ll remember it’s a bad idea
And you don’t want me even like you used to
But tonight I just wanna be here
Forgetting for a minute about trying to let go of you
Letting myself get lost in thoughts
Of what you said, that I didn’t have an answer to
Those tears💧 like tears🔪 in the very universe
Ripping the stars aside with the hurt
The frustration and determination inflamed under these ribs
If love could mold the world I’d reshape the very fabric of it
I swear I let go of hope and it’s different now
Yet every day this intensity grows somehow
A little voice of insanity saying this is the right thing
I can’t drown it out
But I do ignore it softly, acknowledging the knowledge in knowing I believe what it says and yet I think it makes no sense and my bet is nothing will stay like this moving on to better things between we two pieces of a world in constant fluctuation and struggle every moment a juggle of our own demons and spaces between where the light is allowed but I see those cracks and somehow it’s only in my eyes and I wonder what I look like in your beautiful mind but I don’t think I could survive knowing cuz deep down reality is exposing that image and I’m trying to shake the color into it like a polaroid like I could avoid the inevitable lack of anything tangible if I can manage the whole public persona of my own flaws and faults like I could try to be anything else but with you I strive to reach the best of myself as if it’s sand slipping through my fingers rough as all these alternate lifetimes linger overlapping in my brain like waiting for time to take a new path where I can affect change to any of that which haunts you while knowing the most I can do only seems to be harm or harmless which isn’t helping but I can’t seem to quite make peace with the thought of relinquishing the effort entirely when you deserve the entirety of not only happiness but an entire soul diving deep into every nerve ending every electric pulse sending messages like epiphanies spilling from your lips and found in connecting with your eyes someone to sink so completely into every corner of your complexity with no drive to halt your energy only find themselves led to being more alive in seeing you thrive and the thought of you not being loved like that makes me die a little inside but then maybe I can see it cuz I always wanted to be it with someone on the same page and you’ll never be the same way and my journey is letting that be ok even when I get glimmers of what’s beneath your surface and feel it tug at me like I could breathe more easily in the deepest depths of the ocean that’s in you and yet knowing it’s only in theory and these morsels I get that a reality like that even exists cuz the world would break it and it isn’t what’s meant to happen and so it passes by like these moods in me motivation continually slipping in and out of reach to try to be whatever I’m supposed to outside of this dream be whatever I can and not always wanting to be a part of the misery I can’t shape into how it should be like the rest of the world that seems at once both like hell and full of purity so day by day I slip more into fantasy and the question of what’s real comes closer to me like sanity slithers farther which is scary but also what sets me free and today I wanted to be flesh and blood again but the feeling is always fleeting like any sin except the feeling that’s constant of wondering what all this wandering is where is the meaning but maybe the point is just in feeling all of it…