FoundAlongRoad

And I know that you really care
Feel so much on the nights you share
Even turn it around to me
And in it there is beauty
But I know it’s not enough
For all these things I want
That I don’t even really want
It should be more than enough
To be happy
But they consume me
Never wanted to be
Taken over again
Split inside and taunted in my own head
It’s your voice but you didn’t do it
It’s my wish but I never asked for this
And it’s so simple when I just wanna touch you again
It’s so simple when I love you without wanting anything
I’ll get back there in time
Damn my broken mind
I’ve been denying what part of me wants
Cuz the rest of me knows it’d be fucked up
In general, with anyone
And I wouldn’t be happy yet again
I just don’t know how to be so alone yet
But I pushed it down so it pushed back at me
Throwing cuts and images like here then feel this
I didn’t mean to ignore it
Been so lost in trying to find happiness
In all these moments that showed up like a gift
And I was scared to face the part of me that could take
Me back to the old me
The same mistakes
I know I don’t want commitment
In the traditional way
I’ve been feeling so free
But a part of me had things to say
About wanting to be seen
About someone wanting me
I shoved it away until I could love me
Heal me, handle me
So it raged and threw right at me
Pieces of a future we could never have
I swear I mostly don’t want that
Idk if I could ever trust myself
To love like that
And be happy
I just miss connecting
Half of me is used to being
Tied to someone else
And held fast to what can never be
Driving the rest of me crazy
But I can see it now
So I’m backing out
Of the space I find my heart parked in
I’m sorry it’s gotten so intense
And I’m sorry to myself
For ignoring things I didn’t wanna face
It’s so hard to have balance
And it’s ok to want to be wanted
And still not want anything
So I’m gonna sit with myself
And let out the pain
Cuz it’s not all about you
Even though it feels that way
And I’ll come back to you
When I’m more okay
It’s always something with me
Do some healing and it’s easy
But then there’s more to be done
Heal so we can have some fun
Heal so I can deal with all the chaos every day
Without making us more insane
Heal for you and who I wanna be able to be
Heal for me too, to soothe the scars I don’t like to see
I know it’ll take forever and I knew it would be full of setbacks
But I will get it back
I’ll heal for me.