FoundAlongRoad

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And you don’t make me feel comfortable
You don’t make me feel at home
Sometimes you make me feel wanted
Guess that’s better than alone
Till you make me feel alone.

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Why do I want that from her..
Would it even feel right
Too hard to know
When it’s all just in my mind
I saw it in my dream
Last night
And it fucking gutted me..
I didn’t fucking want this
I had all of that
Wouldn’t it just be the same
The differences in our brain
So why do I fucking want this
Why do my eyes fill up when you say it to him
God I was fucking fine
I didn’t ask for this
I don’t even really want it
I’ve always been two people
Opposed
Inside
Wanting the romance
Whirlwind
Quiet life
And the other wanting experiences
Too much love to give
Needing excitement
I’ve only had love that fed one at a time
Would you be any different
Or is this the same old shit
My heart does when it plays its tricks
Cuz part of me is eternally
Chasing that fantasy
Of a twin flame soulmate
Same time, paradox
I can’t hate half of myself again
I can’t wonder what I’m missing
Why I’m not good enough when you settle for him
I can’t be here again
Every time I look back like I’m so stupid
I came so far and yet here we are
The same darkness beckoning
My friend told me ‘stop fucking with these straight girls’
Battling half of me trying to find peace
Is my forever and I thought for just a minute I was getting somewhere
I guess last night I fell right off that cliff
I thought had a guardrail
Now I’m a little bit crumpled up down here
Slow bleeding
And tonight I’ll be mad at myself
And let the dreams haunt me
But then tomorrow I’ll build a new shelf
To keep it near but not daunting
And I’ll adjust and find my worth again
Cuz I am no longer that kid
Who feels like nothing cuz she chose him
Cuts on her wrists at what she couldn’t give
I have always been stuck as that fucking kid
But I’ve been healing
And this took me by surprise
But I’m dealing
Letting it out tonight
And tomorrow that sun will shine
And I’ll pull my two halves together
And start to remember
That I’ll be ok this time
And I’ll take a long hard look at what I really want
Am I 50/50 on monogamy, I never get enough
Of a straight answer
Nothing straight in here
But I’ll sweep the cobwebs from my stored-up fears
It’s almost Halloween anyway
Spend some quality time with my darkest wounds
And I’ll keep loving you
For the both of us
But I’ll love me, too
For the both of us.