FoundAlongRoad

(-)
Sometimes I wonder what it’s like
On the other timelines
Possibilities of who we could’ve been in them
Is there a you that didn’t bury all those things
When you were a kid
And if we still met
Back when there was a fire in it
Could we have been like Bette and Tina
Beautiful life in stages but can’t quite get it right
Or would we have an empire in love, beautiful babies and a picket fence and I could be enough
Or would I have been your chaotic ex
Coming back to the flame and connection but without all the pain we’ve lived not able to get the same depth
I like to think if you had been the you I see in flashes of when you’re free
I would’ve given you every bit of me
And never regretted a moment
And if you had been just a little less caged
If we had fanned that long-extinguished flame
I think we would have years of plans on a bedroom ceiling somewhere far from here
That we continually accomplished
When we left the paradise of that bed
Somewhere in a distant impossible life
I think my heart was yours much sooner and maybe yours was also mine
Or possibly that’s just the chemicals in me and this deteriorating mind
Following paths that never would’ve crossed
If we weren’t who we are

(-)
I wonder if I’d been just a little less shaken
When I reached 18
If I had gone to college
And still ended up at Hardee’s
To meet you but with a dream I could touch
To provide for us and help you to not spiral as much
If I had just been better
Would we still be together
Were you meant to be a real love that was always still impossible to have and hold
Nothing makes sense out here in the cold
–

In the way I’m split in two and no one fits into more than one half well no one that wants to like I’m never supposed to have the unattainable level of intimacy placed in my head for a million hours as I read everything I could get my hands on growing up to escape from the world and yet love it more but maybe if I hadn’t built up such a fantasy I could be happy but then would I even want to be me?