FoundAlongRoad

You’re making dinner throwing utensils around same as you’re throwing accusations at the universe and every word is see-through to how you don’t see your worth and I know you never had love like you should so you think it’s as good as you’ll get and you get mad at me for saying you should leave him and in the same breath give yourself ten reasons that for anyone who values themself would be an ultimatum and when unfixed an absolute end but I can’t say anything I don’t have that key to your cage and we’ve all been there do you think me telling you not to hold on is judging you I’ve been there too cuz he’ll do just enough for you to see that glimpse of love and you’ve never had enough and don’t think it will ever come so you won’t let go of potential even though you know it died long ago you’re holding a ghost and deciding lukewarm is better than alone and we’ve all been there but you’ve been here for years I think your bar is just way too low if your bar is so low and you feel guilty about one fucking thing while he gets away with every fucking thing that isn’t love even dressed up in it’s Sunday best it’s a placeholder cuz all the rest left you colder and you freeze on your own but don’t see you’ve actually been alone all this time I’ve lived it too in the moments you cling onto but I can’t even tell you how much better it feels to not carry someone else who can’t pick up their damn self even if you gotta burrow into more layers on your own the space to grow and appreciate all that you do that they don’t give you will keep you warmer than his cooling fragmented love ever does but the problem is you’ve had hypothermia all of your life or hypochondria thinking you would die without the ability to realize you’ve already been in the winter all this time without anyone able to rise to your level and share their warmth you’ve only been giving them some of yours and thinking when it reflects back in pieces it’s the same when you’ve been the damn sun on your own all along but in your brain it’s winter, it’s only winter, and i try to open the curtain so you can see the sunlight feel it on your skin and you immediately start shivering saying I’m letting the cold in and nothing I say can convince you that there are warmer places the worlds not fucking flat and maybe you should stop prioritizing those who don’t do so back maybe they can’t but why is that your battle sometimes the white flag is saving yourself and yes I tell myself the same if I can’t help you in any way no I won’t walk away try to make a safe space and when I push you push away but that’s ok cuz what else can it be at the end of the day I can’t take your pain or undo the years that brought you here in your own labyrinth we all have our own to face and you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and I know my own quota for watching self-fulfilling prophetical hell I know it well myself but we all have different wars could teach each other the paths we’ve walked but only if you can see you and only if you are open to help opening your own well and some pieces you can only pick up yourself.. we all create our own hell, we all have traumas that sneak up on us but I can see yours like she saw mine and I knew hers gave her all my time and worth lost me in it cuz you can’t pull anyone from trenches they’ve chained themselves in until they can see it and it’s fucking hard to try to be it, aware of creating your own misery scared of the unknown and who you would be outside the lines created by society and even when you’re free these wounds will bleed it never ends but I wouldn’t trade anything to go back to settling cuz beyond the sharp pain and the backtracking mistakes there’s a life to be made that’s as free as you can make it to be and sometimes you can even feel the sunshine and I can’t lead you to this place I’ve tried and idk when I won’t be able to juggle the edges anymore we all martyr ourselves for someone who doesn’t see us but the only happiness is knowing it isn’t –
 
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