FoundAlongRoad

It’s turning to summer and it’s beautiful
But these broken parts of me are showing chasms below them I did not see
I fear the winter when the soft hope leaves me
I grasp at the things I looked forward to yesterday in hopes to again feel the same
I thought I would be ok
And have stumbled into this precarious rest  holding unexpected space for me
Yet tonight the light flickered in my chest and I thought I had been prepared to drown in the grief
Not to make it through but to have things to do to try
And tonight they left me
Leaving soul shaped holes where I had finally embraced what I need
I knew I’d never get my whole heart back
The safe space that became so dangerous toward me
One beloved set of paws where there should be four more little feet
But I have found, no matter how temporary which remains to be seen
So much more than I thought would be granted to me
And I had a deep desire to create from the parts of me I had only just met again
Now they feel so far from me
This empty pain makes a shell of the progress I made
I don’t know how to come out of the shock
Maybe it is my mind protecting my last bits of sanity
I knew I’d lost like only once before
But I didn’t know it’d take away
What I had only just melded into
Me.
The fire to continue, to move, to feel
I tried to mourn slowly so it would not consume me
But somehow it burned all of my will away.
I tell myself tomorrow is another day and I know it will be itself a miracle but I can’t look forward when my heart thumps with what’s missing and to look back drags all into despair
I’ve been almost here with you before
I know it has changed me forever
But I never thought I’d lose him like this
And I hope the sun tomorrow brings if not my passion back, just a moment of peace.