FoundAlongRoad

I deserve more than empty words
Fleeting taunting images
And choices of creating spaces
That last for days on end

In my era of becoming more
Offering more
So I can demand more
Because I don’t need it
And won’t accept this less

He loved me when I didn’t love myself
And felt like no one else did
When I had nothing but him
And the desire to give him more
And he was there while she taught me
Everything love isn’t
When the voice in my head took her tone
Louder until it was screaming
Pointing out everything I wasn’t
And he was there when I picked up those pieces
And learned to love myself
Until he wasn’t

I am made of regret and nostalgia
But also things I do not care to decipher
For anyone not enthralled
Or inclined to understand
I still seek glinting moments
Of hearts racing
Of teasing eyes sparkling
But when it dims
I remember his calm unwavering devotion
That I was enough
And I am reminded
And I want to be more
For me
For his memory and the things I couldn’t do
For his brother, the miracle returned to me
And I know I will still savor fragments of what could yet couldn’t be
And warm days that fade yet live in me
But when it’s dark and I cuddle with love’s memory
Or when it’s only fading
Shadows painting beautiful fantasies never to exist in reality
I know that at my core there is strength in demanding more
And so I give more, to me.