FoundAlongRoad

I think I need to let it go
I know my heart never will
It’ll always wait for a miracle
But I’ve gone insane the last few days
And you don’t deserve that
I have a lot to heal

I think I need to step back and slow down again
There’s a sucking hole in me starving for connection
Cuz she was supposed to see the best in me
She was supposed to understand and love me
And it was all wrong
Now I’m all fucked up
And I know beyond all of my mess you’re still who I want
But I’ve been kidding myself
Never should’ve flirted back then
And I shouldn’t force it now when I know it’s just not there
Now I’ve been forcing everything just to feel like I’m real again
And bury the pain of your rejection
Rejection of our closeness
I think that’s what hurts the most
I didn’t really think you’d just jump into my arms
I’m in it for the long haul
But I thought maybe if you missed me we could go back to how we used to be pretty easily cuz all I wanna do is be close to you like we used to and I think you holding me at a distance
Sent me into a tailspin
And you don’t deserve that
I have a lot of healing to do
I have other wounds I’ve buried coming unglued and I still can’t figure out any closure with her cuz of what it all turned into
I need to slow down again
I need to match your pace to be your friend
I need to slow down again
I need to deal with my other things
And not lose it
I need to not need you so much
Idk how to stop but I have to learn to
I’ll always be right here I’m not leaving again and my heart is broken and you don’t deserve that
Maybe we’re not meant to be
So I need to let go of that
I know that little spark of hope will never die in me
But I don’t like who I become when I let it guide me
I’m sorry
Again
I can’t apologize again I already did and then idk if I did any better so all I can do now is let go and let the universe and let you come to me on your own
To start over
I wanna learn how to be your friend
Maybe you were just being wild
Maybe you needed the ego boost
I still think it’s something more
But I guess you’re not ready to
So I need to slow down, I have a lot of healing to do
Gotta take a deep breath and settle again
I’m not going anywhere
Just softening my presence
And my present
Cuz we all deserve it.