FoundAlongRoad

Bad decisions but I didn’t mean to I’ve just been on autopilot
I’ll do better
Woke up to how everyone is fucking dying
And if I can’t give a shit I’m part of the problem
I’ll do better
What is the point of being alive if not to feel it
My coping mechanism of going numb snuck up
Atleast I know I’m not a total monster
Cuz all I remember thinking is it’s sad how broken the world makes everyone feel
And I thought about my own childhood
Felt empathy n revulsion but chose the rest wrong and from now on no more enabling
I’ll do better
That dissociation sneaks up on me sometimes
I gotta do better
So much fun not trusting your own mind
Atleast the serious stuff isn’t wrecked like I feared
The only demons following me are apathy or a useless empathy that sees theres no quick fix
If one at all
The feeling empty or everything too far
Tonight I feel small
But like im just trying to do better..
Was it conditioning that I froze a bit when it felt wrong
Like that squish you get when you’re uncomfortable but don’t wanna upset someone
I get that socially anyway every day possibly the tism
It’s why I don’t talk
Idk how I feel other than that it all sucked
So I’ll do better.
()
So for tonight
One improvement at a time
I’ll try.