FoundAlongRoad

I tell myself not to build it up in my head
But how can I even build up everything I used to want and never thought I would get
I look back on our messages
It’s been years and through them all I see your feelings peeking through
Like I’m an idiot
I kept running from you
But you were shying away too
And I think we were both scared
Cuz you didn’t know what you wanted
And I figured you’d grow up and not want me
And it was better to not try than lose the way you loved me
-()- waiting wouldve felt like pressuring you
I wanted you to love me all on your own when you’re ready
Even if it never happened
And now idk if we’re on the precipice of another era of flirtatious friendship
Or of changing everything forever
But just a taste of you wanting me
Just saying I should have kissed you
Changed everything in me already and idk how to go back to
Acting like I haven’t always wished it was you

I tell myself slow down, nothing about this will be easy
Except loving you, it’s always been like breathing
But you don’t deserve another mess and I won’t be one
If I can help it
So I tell myself slow down, breathe for now, just get to know you again
But I can’t shut that door even halfway like before
So in the meantime
I’ll just try to be someone worth your love
Mend my broken pieces not counting these chickens while they’re peeps
Get back to who I wanna be for me
But I’m not gonna run away again
And I’m not gonna act like I could settle for any less
Cuz we’re both older and it’s now or ever Even though we have forever
If I don’t send you running away
So let’s take a slow stroll to fate
And if along the way I get to find out I can give you butterflies like you give me inside
And pull your lips to mine
I think it’ll be like the softest point in a long dream
And if instead or after your heart goes to someone else
Well I always planned to love you in only the way you need me to anyway
But for now I tell myself just take it day by day
They say a door closes and a window opens but for me a shutter slammed on my heart
And possibly opened the gates of heaven
Haha I don’t even believe in that place
But I believe in your eyes and your smile and the way your sense of humor melts everything around me for miles

But I still have a lot of grief
And this is new again
Could be a tragedy
I’ll think positive but I can’t get my hopes up cuz with you it means too much
Even if its just passing fun
We’ve built it up for so long
And it’ll always mean more to me
But so do you entirely
So for today I’ll just remember how to breathe..