FoundAlongRoad

I pour myself into everything
Into one thing, every one, every time
And I kept tipping farther
Hitting empty
Let everything else fall to ruin
Cuz it seemed like you always needed more
And I just wanted to be enough
I resented it all even knowing
That the problem was I couldn’t get it in the shape you needed
No matter how much I gave
I see it even more clearly now
I let it destroy me
And you were still empty
Cuz everything I give is never what is needed
And I can never make it all right

I’m glad for clarity
Sad in melancholy
But closure will not come
When I still wanna hate you so much
Hate what you’re doing
And saw him for a second today
The deepest part of my heart breaks
Any time I think about it

How can I let it go
When it was all chaos and I was trying to wait for the flow into common ground
Only heard it all going further down
As we were fated
And then you let yourself make me your devil
Turned it all into a nightmare I will never wake up from
You know the pain of losing like this, losing like him
How could you do this to me
You were my everything
And now you teach me new ways to bleed
I wanna feel bad, feel guilty
And mostly sad for the understanding we couldn’t have despite our best efforts
But all I can feel anymore is numb or suffocating in grief
Shocked beyond belief
That you could do this
To him
To me
To everything.
And it’ll always be everything
The moments where I should think of you fondly and mourn and wonder if time with help
Are instantly overshadowed by all of this hell
You needed to create between us
You needed to trap me in
I wanna wonder if you’re lonely at night
And remember the good times
And cry
But then I think of if he’s still waiting for me
To come back
And I wouldn’t wish you death but I wanna wish you wrath
I can’t get past that
I never will entirely
I know there are times where I still grieve and lessons I am trying to teach
Myself
But it’s not like it should be cuz you ripped so much away from me
And him and his brother
And yourself
I was trying to respect boundaries and I would’ve but you kept moving them to Antarctica
And I can’t believe that with you knowing even more how this feels
That any of this is even fucking real
I’m never gonna get over it
I’m gonna keep going
But it never should’ve been like this..
Now every emotion is twisted..