FoundAlongRoad

Dark thoughts in my mind today
It’s calm and just wants to wrap up in you
But then something in my chest aches
Will I always scar from the trauma
Or is it worse if I get used to it
I can’t deny the truth it’s abusive
But I dig so deep to see it from your side
That feeling of not being in control
And the scars you can’t hide
The things you don’t remember
And I’m not sure where is the line
Between how you really see me
And what’s just the turmoil inside
Between what you can’t help
And what I shouldn’t let slide
Idk if I’ll ever find the line and idk if I ever want to cuz what if you come out on the wrong side atleast in this I can have delusion that every barb isn’t real and hang on to the love you said you feel but if it all makes me crazy and it all tears me down cuz it feels the same no matter how I try to tell my fears and pain that it isn’t really this way
I have to get better
Be stronger
Find the good in every day
But I didn’t anticipate
The way it cuts so deep even when I know it’ll come and I know I can’t take it seriously
Losing inches of me
While you crave me being taller to the point you lash out to try to bring it out and I’m trying to stretch to be the parts of me you wanna see but getting chopped above the feet with every insult and name thrown at me
Fuck it all cuts so deep like I’m losing me like I’m losing believing there’s anything good you see
I have to better than this
I have to get stronger
I always do this shit
The same lessons wrapped in different love
But it is love
Isn’t it
I still feel it when my chest aches
And if I didn’t love you then none of it would break me