FoundAlongRoad

I don’t think you were over her
At all
Still traumatized still in love
I suppose I was too
Still am but not the same
I don’t even know why you loved her so much
So desperate for love
But the things you wrote to her I could’ve easily written to you ..
Why do you treat me the way you asked me not to treat you
Why can’t we just slow down and be happy
Why won’t you let me love you.. why do you need to destroy yourself when you don’t have to.. ..
It’s hard to read and feel it and wonder why I wasn’t enough to get that you..
I wanted to give you all the things you said to her..
And you just tear down my worth
Maybe if I was a mess you’d feel like you had a cause
I still have holes that need mending I’m just more discerning
With what I let pour into it
Then again
With you I jumped right in
And let you poison it
Until I cleared my head
And saw the space and pain
But seeing your heart your potential through your toxic cycling brain
Kept me holding on again and again
Now I could walk away
I told you I wouldn’t
It’s been three days
And it was three before you even went in
Where you didn’t give a shit
About me or our life
Maybe we’re just not right
Maybe you want to let it go
But I let you in and you spit on it
And then you write me beautiful things
Are you going to do that again..
But where’s the follow through..
Idk if I want you to hold on
So I can hope for a miracle
I’m sure if i was honest
It would only be a bloodbath
Neither one of us wants that
But I can’t do this all again
And I can’t just walk away without trying until it almost kills me
That’s just the way
I love
And I still love you
But I hurt too
I never felt safe with you
But I wanted to..
I think you wanted me to..
Atleast part of you..
Now idk what to do..
Scared you’ll get out soon
And sad if you don’t
I can’t abandon you but you abandon yourself
How do you learn self worth
And yet less surety and more awareness
I don’t have those answers
I don’t have anything..
Except a little more love, a little more try again
Even if it’s futile
One last time
It might blow up
I don’t wanna make you worse if you’re too far gone to see anything but the hurt..
But idk how to walk away without trying everything..
So ill try honesty and stability
It failed before but now there are walls between that take down the walls between what I hold in with you and me
You can’t keep living like this
Dying like this
Today I wonder if you don’t want to hear from me..
I guess we’ll see..
Somehow it only gets worse the more I try so I’m scared to move but you’re stuck again and we can’t both just hold still
Repeat patterns
So I guess I’ll see what tomorrow brings..
That’s all I have today.