FoundAlongRoad

And the truth is she had broken me
And then you hurt me
Unintentionally
Cuz I had never let go
So I pushed it away
Looked for comfort in the wrong place
Just wanted to be wanted cuz I was feeling low
But I never got over you..
I don’t think I ever wanted to..
And idk if we could ever work
I raised my bar so high but you’ve always been the dream to me
So how could I ever not try even if it won’t turn out what it seems to be
Here I go writing again..
Here I go tangled up when for the first time in my life I had finally freed me
But I never got over you
I wanted to be cuz I know deep down you’ll never love me like I always loved you
But I healed my guilt and was handed new familiar wounds
So I’ve been bandaging those too
It felt good to not want anything
When I closed my eyes and pretended
I could ever not want you
I didn’t believe in a happy ending
I now strive for perfection
And idk if that was ever supposed to be us two
But this lazy, crazy, im-already-yours-take me
Kind of back-n-forth..
This watching you fall but not quite to the floor
This getting everything I ever wanted even if that’s not what’s in store..
This thing we have has me in the back of your pocket
You’re always right at my chest like I got you in a locket
Fast heartbeat and then that warmth that makes you grin like you’re still that young within, still young love dreaming..
N I don’t dream of giving you a ring or building anything
Other than what whatever we have is
Atleast not when I’m awake anymore
Cuz it’s nice this time to know you’re not mine but you’re a little bit mine like maybe you’ve always been
And it makes this all everything even when it turns to nothing it’ll always be love whatever kind we want it
To be
And I’ll always have the memories
And the glimpses I see when you’re not just wildin
And whatever kind of love you give me
Whatever kind of fun we find
Cuz today I’m not dying
And tomorrow still isn’t promised
And this banter isn’t you promising anything
So everything is still free, still easy, still makes me the good kind of crazy, still moving lazy.. still hits my chest with every heartbeat like you’re right against it and whether you will ever be is only in the distance but I’m still right here like I’ve always been since this started with the same energy back then.. it just grew up..
But I still feel like goofing off, laughing with each other, talking all night, and that love creeping in so subtle, getting lost in your presence whether we ever get lost in each other, everything about you will always take me back to
This lazy, crazy, grinning, what-ifs-got-my-head-spinning, n even-if-we-never-cross-that-line.. if-we-jump-back-after.. I’d never change a minute and not all the years of this time have ever changed a thing on my side..
Except now I’m only settling for perfection
So I’m not looking for anything delusional unless we have everything coming natural..
Cuz everything I ever yearned for is in every moment you miss me or are even just here again, beating through my ribcage, slipping me into your pocket..
The picture in my mind, the teasing on my screen.. every word in between..
What will be will be and it’ll be the same even when it changes cuz it’s always been when it comes to you and me.