FoundAlongRoad

If our life was a movie this would be the part
where I write a love letter, pull a grand gesture, give you the stars to get you back and run away and elope
Then put in the work
But you poured acid on all of that
Now there is no going back
I have the answers to questions that shattered like glass
Only bleeding to try to touch to even think about too much
How could I ever go back to someone who hurt me so much
Who ran at me like that put your hands on me with murder in your eyes
Pulled my heart from my chest and made me listen to his cries only to remove him from my sight for the rest of my broken life
How could I miss someone who turned to that from love
How could it have ever been as good as it was if it was that curdled underneath, if I could drive you to that without ever meaning
There’s no happy ending just trying to keep breathing
There’s only grieving..

I tend to compare her to us in the things we lack
It isn’t fair cuz we weren’t all right either but so much of it I know I’ll never get back
But then you’d probably want some stupid books I don’t believe in too, you always did
And you wouldn’t let me talk to my ex in the beginning my best friend so much that it ripped my heart out and changed my feelings for you
So how can I hold it against her when you did it too
When I can’t talk to her about what I’m going through it makes me miss you but then we were once there too..
But you and I we built something beautiful
Years later and I could tell you all the scars I didn’t show and we were solid in a way I never thought I’d know
Idk if she can ever make me feel safe that way
When she already bit into me with so much cruelty so early
I think we’re incompatible more than you and I ever were
But I think about how long it took with you and what it was worth
But then again it’s not the same it won’t be but fuck where did that get me anyway
So many memories
Holes in me
Guilt and pain and relief
And mostly grief..