FoundAlongRoad

Can you build back from the beginning
When now everything feels tainted
There were a few days that were pure magic
Just a beginning maybe rose colored glasses
But I never had it come so easily
Clicking and matching effort and optimism
We were growing steady toward something
Maybe
Baby steps like that night on the couch with our arms wrapped up
Felt like someday just maybe it could be everything most people dream of
Little moments building like the hug in the kitchen
Holding on giving me goosebumps
Like you said you had when I massaged your back
But in between the two there was an absolute
Car crash
Said it was all nothing and I felt that
Like it hit me right in the foolish trying
In the cracking of the door like maybe I can
Be something good for you and maybe you’d want it too
It shattered in your eyes and your back steps were lunges
It was fragile it was just starting to grow
Outside pressure cut off the flow
But I couldn’t blame you
For the weight that never should’ve been placed
No expectations but she saw it that way
And I saw it in your eyes when you ran away
You’re not quite back yet
Not on the same page
But I think those few innocent days
And the chance of the path it might just take
Are worth being patient
You’re worth holding steady for when you feel skittish
And if it turned into only platonic I wouldn’t act much different
Cuz you still deserve to be spoiled as a person
Now it’s all injected with darkness but there’s a big enough part of this that comes easily enough to act from general love and not my fear
So I can wait if you wanna meet me back here
Or I’ll retreat to the first stepping stone
Don’t want you on a page alone
But there’s a voice in my head that says you can’t go back
It came so naturally
Just a little climb then taken out at the knees
Are all the stars now out of reach
Tinged with blackness
And I find myself on a second guess
For the first time
Giving the grace of space while it seems out of line
I turn the volume down on it
Cuz if I listen it’ll poison everything
More than she already did
But it’s a new day and I’m trying to be softer
Walk that line through the uncertainty and think of what could come after
Whichever direction as long as it’s not against each other
I’ll go your way if you only tell me which
And its ok if you don’t know yet
There will still be something good from this wherever we get
Just mourning the inability to begin again