FoundAlongRoad

Sometimes
At every new crossed line
I would’ve never stayed through before
I think maybe I just let it go
Cuz I really think I deserve it all and more
For whatever I did that made that end like this
For losing him
Maybe I thought I learned to love myself
But self loathing has it’s claws in deeper

I just said today how she’s been trying so hard
And it’s been better
And I said I knew it would be up and down
But I never
Really prepared to get here
It was nothing, right
Just a second
Maybe not even a bruise
I wish it had broken
Like the piece of my heart that came unglued
I would’ve been miles away
The old me
Is it really cuz I see the effort and think you can change
Or is it also cuz the pain
Is what she wished on me
And I believed it
Is it cuz all this grief
Wants bled out of me
Just like cutting
Emotionally shredding me
To dull the sensation
And physically only seems like the next step
But somewhere in me is screaming..
At first the shock set in
And I missed the window to say anything
So am I just letting it go now
Will you acknowledge it someday when you write to me
Is this just my life now
All those things they say about how taking it only makes it worse n being soft only makes somebody escalate
Like maybe we are the worst
Match
Idk what to do with that
When I just wanted to love you..
And I feel like a curse
And when you hurt me
I think ‘it could be worse’
Cuz I know you’re trying
And inside me something laughs
Cuz who the hell would take that
I never understood why they didn’t leave
You took it from her
So I never thought you’d do it to me
Not to mention all the others
Maybe we really do
become our wounds
Is that now what makes me?
I wanna stay for love but sometimes I feel crazy
Cuz id say that’s not love to anyone else
I guess you can’t judge except for yourself…

And your eyes look at me so softly
Where did you go
For you to come back from
We were getting somewhere beautiful
I felt it
I was getting comfortable
Did I jinx it
Now you pick up where we left off
I supposed its just a tiny throb
I’m scared of the next line you’ll cross
But I still love you so much..
And your eyes right now look so soft..
I think I gaslight myself
Like did I imagine it all
I think -()- was right
And I knew it
But she was also wrong
Cuz of the effort
So I said I knew what I was doing
Do I know what I am doing..
I know I wont be leaving..
I just can’t quite meet your eyes tonight.