FoundAlongRoad

I think I try to push it over the edge
Cuz I’m worried I already did
Better make sure
I can’t have anything good
Addicted more to the adrenaline before the break
Or the potential for the pain
Today was a good day
With one mistake
That I turned into a handful more
Cuz idk how to let myself be
Happy or at peace
Get one spike in blood pressure
And it’s like I never did all this healing
Now I got a hangover feeling
Begging myself not to do this anymore
I know I can balance how I feel and reality
But half of me hates me
I swear I was healing
But today was a good day and I never know if I’ll wake up tomorrow
Or if I’ll even want to if I took it too far tho
You never know your weakness
Until you test it
I will be better..
I will sit with the part of me that sneaks up when my guards down and burns it all to the ground
And I will listen
To see what is behind it
Not just the addiction but the fear
I swear there will be healing here