FoundAlongRoad

There’s not a lot left the universe could throw at me
And throw me for a loop
I mean what’s coming next, the other season that came first, the one that’s out of bounds, I thought there was only her
That came out of left field from what I never thought could be real
But it went and pulled another out and I can’t stop thinking bout
How much she meant back when
Back when I was even more of a mess
But now it haunts me again cuz I still get that squeezing feeling in my chest n I know I was never what she wanted
And the other one never knows what she wants
And that’s what’s best for us
I missed opportunity cuz I’m trying to be just there for me but now I’m a little antsy like if I don’t try will you find somebody instead of maybe it could be me but then I know I shouldn’t see it all like this cuz idk which lessons its trying to teach me yet, like cruel what ifs to let it all go for once n have friends or testing me with what I always want only to then pull the rug, or so I sabotage my own growth.. I need a compass a way to go cuz how could I just let this go when I already know she’s incredible but then I’m not who I’d wanna be to see anything they could see in me and I need to keep growing until I won’t keep sliding into settling for what won’t feel like home and keep going even if I end up alone cuz if I’m enough then I still will be then right and if I’m not then I never will in their eyes but I will be in mine and that’s the goal but just across that line is outlined what I used to yearn for a long time ago n it comes back like treacherous hope when really I know that I made these walls so high for a reason cuz I keep bleeding getting over everyone else’s but if they won’t try mine then I won’t find peace at the end of the climb.. taunting memories and could be’s and butterflies that I know aren’t right for me.. I still don’t trust myself to ever know which way to go cuz I always jump too far so anymore I just stagnate.. will you meet me halfway..