FoundAlongRoad

Who were you when we met..
And in the soft moments
Was it just rose colored glasses

Does the last one ever think I might be
Doing everything I didn’t
Cuz I feel guilty
That if I did it then
Maybe the ugly would never have happened
But then I never wanted to or was able to sustainably
Change me
Which is what she needed
And it’s what you need
And I’ve been trying to fake it
Cuz I already lost me
But the ruins can only be rebuilt so many ways
I know I shouldn’t stay
I shouldn’tve came
I can’t be
What you need
I couldn’t then
Thought this was different
The problem is me
But just cuz I’m not the same
And I don’t wanna be
So why do I try so hard
Cuz I know I did this
Again
Went in with insanity
But my eyes open
So I blame me
So I keep hoping
I can stop the bleeding
Like I don’t see
The futility
Trying to be the best I can be
Disintegrating
When itll still never be
What you need and it was too late
When I knew it
Like it was before
So I threw into it
Hoping for stores
Of strength I couldn’t see
Fake it until it breaks me
Isn’t that always my policy
But it broke her too
I can’t do that to you
And that renewed me
But this weakness whispers to me
You’re faltering
You’re still not enough
Not the right piece
And you can’t even maintain the facade
It’s cracking
You didn’t even get a foundation in
This time
And you chose to run in anyway
Running away
Running toward
A mirage in the shape of connection
Broken and fierce and you wanted to fit into the wounds
But the blood mingled only to consume
You can only keep breathing
You did this so you have to do better
In your heart there’s no excuse
Short of the hate she gave you
You did this so you have to be better..
The rug got pulled away
The curtain revealed humanity
Fragile strength and the shape you couldn’t see
Where you don’t fit
Once again
More and yet less
Last time you retreated, years in
So inside it’s screaming
Leave before you make her worse
Cuz you know it
But then you also know abandonment
And the love you have to give
Is it better than nothing even if
It doesn’t quite fit
Can’t force it but
You did this
So you have to do better.
You’ve been here before more or less
But you’re in it
What do you have left to give
Just give it
Give in
And if you break, better you than her
If it’s both, well, you’ve always been a failure..
Better to try than not but is it, you never know until it’s too late
Putting yourself in hearts that have a vacancy
That have breaks
You think you might fit in
But the earth quakes
And it’s all wrong again
You’re just the wrong shape stop trying..
But now you’re in this
So you have to give
Until there’s nothing left
Might as well deny and think positive
Love positive..