FoundAlongRoad

Everything falling apart at once
Reminds me what matters
Makes all the emotional easier
The parts falling together
I only live for him, moments he brings in the light, but my mind also seeks distraction of another kind
Sometimes I think I let myself go cuz it’s easier to know there isn’t a chance then to do my best and face rejection
The truth is it’s much better to be friends cuz it gets twisted up in the end and if you don’t go anywhere too far then you don’t push it over the edge
My favorite moments with people who I wouldn’t measure up to cuz there’s so much love and heartbreak in companionship too
And it’s something I rarely manage to do
Can’t get too close as people
Cuz I’m barely one most of the time
Would rather have fun and have some nights
Hovering at their seams for the hard times
So I can be there but not lose me and what’s mine
When I’m dying to sink inside
But know I would only bring misery to try
I am not all cracked open yet, or ever will be

She goes off with guys that ride motorbikes
And that will never be me
Don’t they all and I don’t fault
The freedom
It’s been years now that I’ve been healing
Through exposure therapy
The original wound brought to surface
The regrets making control more potent
I am always a work in progress in motion
Mixing motivation with self sabotage
My favorite cocktail of time
But at the end of the day some of the things you find are just more important than trying to get between her thighs or deep into her mind and there are years I’ve spent seeing the dark places in those I love cuz they know I will keep it when I stop trying to be cast in a role not made for me and I find peace until the adrenaline rails at me but I strive to not betray the serene even if it means not fighting to be the picture I have in my head unless it’s for me and not just them.
Clarity
The tide will come in but it always goes out again
Taking pieces when I fight it
Drifting softly when I find it
Peace
The turbulence between the sun and moons rising..
The lashing out within, without
The wreckage
The rebuild
Focus on my own personal lighthouse
Miraculous