FoundAlongRoad

Listening to ‘one too many’
Should feel right
But I think about those things happening to you
And my heart hurts
I guess I still love you
Which makes it worse
Cuz I know I hate you too
The rage I have
The grief that will never go away
What you took from me
And I’m mad you couldn’t see me
See me trying see me drowning
Mad you got violent so there’s no coming back around and
You shredded my heart when you took him
Had to be vindictive
And I know I broke you
I never meant to
But what do intentions count for
I intend to hate you to forget you to find peace
But every day I’m shattering
Over again
Thinking of him
And missing what was lost
Even though I know the cost
was too high to stay
Desperate for healing
Hate fades to nothing
But I can’t get there
When I’m still stuck here
Cuz I was relieved when it was over
But now I grieve that it’s so broken
We could never try again
And I wouldn’t cuz you took him
Took my heart out of my chest
And I have to try to live again
Without it
Figure out who I am through what I did what I didn’t understand and what happened and through the memory of your screaming..
Through the fear in the flashbacks, through the aching bleeding cracks of loss of him and who I thought you were and what I did and of the hurt you wanted to cause me..
And of all the memories of my safe love tattered now who do I become
Finding myself and maybe I’m not enough
Like everyone
To make up for the differences with love
Maybe I’m too little and too much
I know it wasn’t all my fault but I feel so lost

Have to write it out in my own blood
Miss the comforting love
I may never know again
I feel those pieces missing
With her
What it’ll never be
How do I love so much again
When I did it so wrongly
But I opened up so fucking far
And she shredded so much of me apart
Wounds on top of scars
But she laughs and I want to feel love
Is it enough
When it wasn’t before
When I’m not sure if I’m made for
Any of it