FoundAlongRoad

Almost a week since I’ve seen your face
5 days since you’ve read my messages
And not said anything

I worry, about you
But I’m mad too

I wanted nights cuddled up
Mornings on the porch
Food fights and long talks
I wanted love

I guess you didn’t want it enough
To figure out how to slow down
To see how much you had now
Had to run until you burnt out
Saw it coming from the first mile
But you don’t listen to anyone but yourself

I wanted to figure out your meds and give you a soft place to land
I didn’t wanna forget how it feels to hold your hand
I wanted to knuckle through you testing me
Then feel you open up slowly
I wanted to share stories and shows
I wanted to be there when you came home
Fill our place with laughter
Argue and have make up sex after

I wanted to see the light in your eyes again
Wanted you to believe you could make it till you could see her again
You were proving them all wrong
You were getting somewhere
But I knew it was all wrong
Not happy inside or anywhere
I could tell by the way you tore me down
But the way you ran from every struggle
Even when you couldn’t stand you had to just go
Over time getting worse saying you’re fine
I couldn’t save you
And you wouldn’t let me even show you that I see you
Cuz you can’t stand to see yourself
Idk if you are or aren’t capable (of seeing you)
But I know you chose to burn it all down
Tore me open then shut me out
Ran yourself into the ground
And chose to destroy it all now

I know you can get back all you’ve lost
Maybe this time you’ll see where you went wrong
I see the beauty in you and the scars that undo all the progress but you have the strength to do better if you would only stop running would only stop being delusional about yourself and appreciate the steps you take and how far you came I know you can get there again
But I don’t think I can walk with you
Maybe if you really changed
Into who I know you are deep down
But you made me your punching bag
And idk if it’s cuz you’ve never had healthy love
But I won’t stay, in that
But I love you
The way you were
The parts you hide
Your heart your potential
I don’t wanna walk away like everyone else
But I can’t build from no foundation
Make heaven from this hell
It takes two
And I think you kinda hated me
Made me hate me
Except I stopped myself
Cuz I know you just hate you
Even though you act like you’re better than everyone else
I know you push through more than most could ever understand
But you make it harder than it has to be
I think it’s cuz you’re scared
I wish you’d use that as fuel and heal
I know you can
I’ll never stop believing in you
But I can’t hold your hand
When you still have a blade in it
Pulling me down n cutting me open
I love you
So I always will now
I mourn who we could’ve been
What we could’ve had
And part of me will always be
Hoping for a miracle
That you’ll learn to really see yourself
And how to love
And we could put together all those pieces that should’ve fit so well
But as it is now it was less love more hell
I think if you’re honest you didn’t like me
Who you think I am
You just wanted someone to stay
And were busy spiraling
I’m not gonna just walk away
But I won’t do this the same
As we are, who we are.. we don’t fit
And I hate it but I don’t hate myself
Atleast not as much as you
Part of my heart bleeds and wants to be
There for you
But I can’t help if you won’t help yourself
I’m not gonna just move on
I think for a long time I’ll be dealing with trauma and hoping for a miracle
And missing you surrounded by all your things
But also not wanting you to walk back in
N pick up where we left off
Cuz we were fucking lost
I’m gonna find my way
And hopefully I’ll hear from you when you’re ready
I get more mad at you every day
And more worried too
I hope you’re ok
I hope you change
Into who you really are
If it’s not too late
I think I’ll always hope for that miracle
Those early days were bliss
Before all of this
Caught up to you
There’s so much broken so much wrong
But under that was beautiful
But I don’t think I’m what you need to help you along
I think I aggravate your demons
Like you did mine
But I love you
I guess all we got to give it, is time.
As long as we’re still living..
There’s time.