FoundAlongRoad

Whyd you have to do this today
I had just made up my mind to stay
To just love you
But the pain hadn’t yet receded
It was getting there, seeing you trying to be ok through what your body puts you through..
But when you got mad I saw the future
Saw when I need you you’ll resent me for it
And when you need me you take it all, most I give willingly and the rest you won’t take no for
And I remember you staying when I had nothing
I thought maybe it was a green flag
But then I remember the words you said on the bad nights
You still stayed
But you sounded full of hate
I tell myself it wasn’t you
But I still think part of that darkness comes from truth
The way you see me
And you’re trying so hard
So I don’t wanna leave
But it hasn’t been ok
Nowhere near equal and idk how to get it there
I thought I could just try
If I gave you time
Whyd you have to do this today
I already didn’t feel safe
But when you have enough and continue to take
And get mad at me when I won’t give
Is that any kinda way to live
You fuck up and I forgive
But if I needed you what would I get
Would you do it with condescension
Or would you refuse
I really don’t wanna test it
Your singular focus
I know you’d probably let it go
But that reaction
If it was something bigger I needed
Would you even give it
Cuz at this point I would for you..
In ways you’ll never appreciate
I already have, for you
And I might not like it sometimes cuz I have reasons too
But I’ve never given many to you
For you to react like that
I don’t wanna test the support we’re supposed to have
For each other
Maybe it’s my past cuz she was like that
But already it seems to be worse
I thought when you loved me when I had nothing
It meant we’d be ok
But now I feel the value drop when I need something
And it doesn’t feel ok
I know you’d probably let it go
Wouldn’t you
I don’t know
But this shouldn’t be so bad in the first place
What if I did what you did
Without the insurance
Would you still help me, through the ranting
I hate that now I have to question that
Maybe it’s a wake up
Not safe in so many ways
One sided like I haven’t known for so many days
But you try and I wait
Can I afford to keep waiting if you wouldn’t catch me like I’d catch you
Cuz one day I’ll fall
Maybe this week
And where will you be
Right there with me
Id like to believe
I think you’d like to believe it too
But can i afford to
With the evidence in front of me
Cuz if you let me hit bottom
It’d be too late to tell myself not to bleed
I think I still care too much
To leave
Wanna see the best in your potential
Look where it’s gotten me
I still love you too much
To leave
But where has that left me
Fighting for us until you leave me
I’m pretty sure I’m already not enough
And when I couldn’t give her what she wanted
When the tables turned just for a little
She always left me
And she fucking loved me
Mostly..
So why wouldn’t you do the same
When you already react like this
Will it pass or will I hit
The rocks below
I guess we might find out
I don’t have it in me to leave
So I guess we’ll find out
Please don’t let me be right please
Please love me.
They say don’t beg for love but I’ve got no humility left
All my eggs cracked open in the basket
Please I hope you actually love me..