FoundAlongRoad

And by the time you realize this might be dead and buried
It’s too late
They won’t even give you a conversation
They agreed to benefits in some future situation
And occasionally just for an hour or two
You feel them back in it
But those get so few so hidden
You didn’t realize you’d been getting quiet
Cuz everything you said seemed to overwhelm them
And you know they’re going through it
But you don’t know when you got locked out again
And you give them space and you deal with your own feelings
But most days they make you feel like you’re crazy
For even missing them
Not on purpose but in the way it didn’t seem to be anything
And you’ve been crazy before
So you think about it
But all you can remember is all of it
And how now it seems like it was nothing
You even remember right before the end
Confessing you were just scared they’d move on and not want anything
If you didn’t keep it interesting
And you know it’s your trauma
But they held you and said you were wrong
And things were still fun
Except every time they thought about it too much
And you know the whole thing felt a little like fate
So you couldn’t totally blame them when they ran away
But you never asked for that
You only asked for the connection in whatever shape
But they never saw it that way
And now you wonder if it Was all in your head
You’ve built things from almost nothing
But never like this
There was always something
And then a reason for changes
And that was not this
So you think maybe still deep down it’s there and can come around some year when she isn’t so beat down by life and so you work on yourself and figure things out
But at night you can’t help but think about
Why it ever had to go like this
How it had to be real, whatever it was
Brief and shattered but for a moment magic
A collection of moments
That to her don’t seem to exist
Except in fleeting disappearing times
When she smiles and it’s in her eyes
But she hasn’t really laughed in days now, going on weeks
She’ll vent or avoid you and she ignores anything you say about anything concrete
And you’re not sure what the truth is
You know she’s in heartbreak but was it all just a symptom
And you’re not sure what to make of it
Except that it does make you a little crazy
And you can’t quite heal it yet