FoundAlongRoad

In case I die
There is a lie
Or more a downplay
The truth is I don’t know if she’s right for me
That shit hurt, finding incongruity
But I also feel her authenticity when she explains
And I know she’s adrift alone
In heartbreak
So whether feelings live or die
Is long off from tonight
So I’m ok with shutting down any hope
Cuz I really wasn’t missing anything, when we were comfortable
But I miss that place
I don’t know if I can do a relationship at all
I would never wanna mess it up with her
Or mess up her
But the part I don’t speak
Is no matter how much I hope to find, and stay in, easy
As far as the risk we may never take –
-She will always always be worth it to me.
Not that I even wish it to happen
Cuz I think it might break
And I never want that
I was perfectly happy with the way
It was
If it could just come back just enough
And her have it easier in life
But yea I still know, every night
I love everything about her, and I carefully tuck it away cuz she reads into it expectations..
But if I die
-She was never too much
-She was always enough
-Always a gift I never deserved
-In just knowing her
-And I always love her.

I know I said it early cuz well you know me but it turned more mature through the ups and downs, I know I could never see her (even through the toxicity) as anything less than a fucking incredible human being.

(Not the biggest reason but to try to describe.. She made me feel like I was never broken.. I didn’t think that was possible. but I know I’m not meant to be that to her, and that’s ok, I just hope she finds it someday, somewhere healthy)

(got chest and shoulder pains so 🤷 just in case or for a future rainy day)