FoundAlongRoad

I’m thinking of putting boundaries up
Between myself and the best thing I’ve ever felt
Because maybe doing it different means not leaning into the toxic
I’m not sure cuz just being an open space is how I love in general
No boxes
And she is the most deserving
Of patience and understanding
But maybe the most realistic potential ever
Deserves doing everything better
Healthier
Maybe the only way to change the outcome
Is to do what I’ve never done
And put healthy first
Knowing myself and my worth
Maybe it’ll help us both
Cuz there’s no need for it to be
So stressful
Or have already lost the easy flow
And I don’t deserve the careless blame
But she doesn’t deserve the fear either
Will this ruin the best thing I’ve ever been in
Or is it a higher step to being who I need to be for me
While also taking her back to somewhere easy
To ease every thing
I’m scared to see but I’m scared to let it all die on only the edge of being
There was no need to toss it over the ledge
Where exactly was all this bad you saw in it
I only want to live in the energy
Grow in the chemistry
Have good times without goodbye
And not try to force it into a shape it may never take
Natural or nothing
That’s the era I’m in
Inside you everything seems to spin and spin
I just want some long nights again
When it was quiet in our heads
Only the sound of laughter and discoveries
We can figure out reality
Without worrying about what is coming
Or throwing it all away
I have seen enough to know
The connection could be beautiful
If it takes the shape of commitment
Down some future road
But I also have healed enough to see
That it may never be
And that it can’t be only me
Willing to risk everything I’ve built in me
Even in time if you were ready.
It could be everything
Or it could be a magical disaster
But it takes two and if you never see me in that way it will only break and I
Deserve better
I’ve never said that and meant it
And I don’t mean you’re doing anything wrong right now
Going through your own journey
No one expected this anyhow
I just mean maybe in seeing more of ourselves
There are things that would have to work out
To work out
And if you ever fall in love with me
I will try to pry open every effort for you
You will always deserve it
But maybe having new eyes means I know I could die and just want to live
It means remembering I never wanted anything
More than intensely casually connecting
Friends, secrets and fucking
No expectations
Unless it came completely on its own
Grew that way over years
And I know the potential is there
But I don’t fall in love with potential anymore
I don’t give up how far I’ve come
For insecurity
And that’s ok
Cuz I’m sure about what I need
And I can still give all my love unconditionally
Without ever being drained
But I think maybe leaving the door open intentionally
Puts pressure in it’s own way
So maybe if we agree to be there and not try to be everything
We could get back to getting to knowing
Each other again
And having fun again
While figuring out the day to day
And it will grow as it will either way
Without anyone having to say
What if.
Or it won’t
And we’ll still have memories along the way
Cuz natural is the only way I could ever trust it anyway
I still don’t believe
That love exists for me
But I know I can give it
And I just want connections while I’m still alive
And wherever we go on this ride.
But looming possibility for what neither of us is sure about, in different ways
Seems to only make
It miserable
And I am sure that with you I want to connect, in any possible way.
No stress, just take today for today.