FoundAlongRoad

Been holding me at a distance
With no energy to fix this
Waiting for the storm to pass
But I don’t think you want that
I get the tidbits like i still exist
And then the brunt of other people’s shit
Like being annoyed at my existence
And I get it
But we don’t talk like we did
Like I’m anything interesting
Or even listen if I tried
So I stopped way back
And you didn’t mind
But I get it
You just don’t have room
In your chaotic mind or the time
And you can’t make some
Cuz I’m nothing special right
Except I know I am
and you just can’t
See me right now
And I don’t like how
It all makes me feel small
Even tho I know I do it to myself
Shrinking to not be
Another thing on your list
You gotta deal with
Pressing care in where it fits
Until you look at me like stop doing this
And I tell myself you avoid
Cuz you told me right away you were no good
At expectations, at being cared about
you still gave back so naturally
But how could I blame you now
You didn’t ask for this
Weren’t ready to heal
And I didn’t expect anything
Except to keep it real
It took us both by surprise
Those nights
And I know you shut it out
Where as I opened and adapted
Until you shut it down
I know change when you’re in survival mode
Feels like a threat
One more thing
You can’t deal with
So I stayed steady and reassessed
Lost any thought of more in this
But it’s like I’m still just inconvenient
It’s true you don’t know how messed up anyone really is
Until you try to love them

And I still understand
And I still see the good
Even when it’s been buried now
It’ll come back around
I know why you’re like this
And I can’t fight it
So I shrink and I think
I can’t build resentment
But why does it have to be so toxic
But then I know the answer
Even when I hate it
So they can hate you for me
I never could
I put out my energy
Knowing you can’t return anymore
Cuz I don’t need all that
It’s still worth giving for
But when they point out the red flags
I know it’s not quite even friendship back
And yet, I know, you’ll open that door
Once you can handle it
You just may never wanna know me anymore..
And that part I’ll mourn.