FoundAlongRoad

I’ve been spinning my wheels
Trying everything
Trying to get back to me
Change my priorities
Giving you different energies
Anything to ease
Whatever made you lock me out this way
And it was up so high and then down so far
So many times until it hit some bar
I can’t climb over and I told myself to give you time
Cuz I know you’re drowning in your own mind
And I came to feel like .. Pressure
No matter what I try
But I’ve given you all the words in all the different ways
And I’ve given so much space
Somewhere you stopped coming back to meet me
You feel so far away
And I woke up today in a rage
Cuz I’m always holding on to pieces
When you step tentative
Back into the connection
But it’s been fewer and far between
Like you’re rejecting everything about me
And I tried to not take it personally
I tried to care in only ways that ease
Went so far I have to sacrifice everything
Of what so many nights could’ve meant
To just get back to being friends
And you still won’t meet me in it
Lukewarm moments mixed with disdainful bare minimum
And I got fed up cuz I know it feels like too much
But I was giving almost nothing
And you still run
I cant be cold and not care
But I can turn off anything beyond it
I think it’s dead and buried
But you’re still here
Like a shadow of something cosmic
N I can’t pull you out
When I can barely speak now
Without causing a crash out
I do what I can cuz we’re still here but where are we again cuz you’re so near and you still give moments like a bond but a strangled one and idk why I got put in this role
I have a lot of theories from really seeing you
But none of them matter when this is what it’s come to
So I said I’d stop trying to get a peek back into
What you want to kill off
Let it die
I cant keep going with the air itself burning
Decided to meet you in the acting
Like those weeks never happened
To try to soothe
And get myself back to
Knowing I don’t deserve the lack in this
Even tho I know you’re just going through it
So I took back a few steps
But it feels like shit
Until I read the beginning again
And I remember
I was lucky to have it
You were there in it
It wasn’t me being me
It’s was something real feeling like a dream
And reality may have broken it
You may have lost it or chose to run
It doesn’t matter anymore, it’s done
But I still have it all in me
And that gives me peace
Cuz if I die while we’re in the trenches
No regrets except that this
Life keeps you from finding or allowing happiness
But I had it
And if it wasn’t meant for me to give then so be it
I’m not gonna go crazy over getting back to what’s lost in this
From the electric to the laughter
You’ll come back if you ever want to
And I can’t keep fighting
So I give into
The bad timing, the way you need it all to go away
I’ll take it all away
I’ve been spiraling anyway
Which isn’t helping anyone
Atleast I see how far I’ve come
Cuz I don’t hate me
I don’t blame you
I just know I can be better
And not continue
To beat a dead horse
Even when it’s just trying to talk like we used to
Time has it’s own plans
And I never know how much I have
So I will find the joy again
In whatever is left
And the gifts I still have and can give
And in not pressing for anything.