FoundAlongRoad

Sometimes I forget how much my tism just needs to understand things
Cuz I’ve been down in the trenches for a couple decades with BPD flairs n shit
I can see a spiral, delusions, and regulate if I can pull out of it
But I gotta understand, if there’s no communication I gotta have something to work with
Avoidant explains a lot of it, from the last relationship to all this
From the pieces I’ve been told and noticed
But there’s more there I’ve been trying to get a picture of
I think I finally get it enough
Not to know what to do cuz I’m learning too
I’ve never been in this one
With you
And some things I cannot fucking fix
But I can be steady and learn through trying what I can
Calmer now and still mourning but gentler knowing I can stand
I don’t take well to space so distant
That length gets toxic
But I can give it
Until you can meet back in the middle
The middle of being yourself again
If life ever gives you a break
I get breadcrumbs n sleepless night cuz I know your ache
It’s not mine to take but everyone in my life I want to know this way
And you are so much more there must come a day
When there is space to breathe and love yourself
After all this hell
Until then I’ll try to keep my head on straight
Cuz we’ve all been floundering
Nothing getting done this way
It’s not what I wanted but it’s what I choose
Now that I know you and know you didn’t choose it all too
Even the parts you don’t handle well you’re doing the best you can do
And who knows when the last day will be
I can’t give that to you but I can hold it in me
And maybe someday you’ll be able to see
And if I didn’t sign
My own demise
With my spiraling lately
Then tomorrow will come
With a lukewarm sun
And I will still be grateful
Before we know it it’ll be the future.