FoundAlongRoad

Walked in the door and she woke up
Looking like a goddess in the morning sun
Tonight I looked up her birth chart
Just cuz I’m a lesbian
Said she likes to have someone at her side
A lot of the time
That’s how the morning was
Finally asking for my company
I know it’s in effort to fix what was broken
Now that just saying what was off the table
Eased the pressure
I could run my eyes over her forever
Fingertips itching to trace familiar paths
And make new ones
But I could just drink in her laugh
Better than vitamins
Hanging out like it’s a little bit shaky
But getting back to easy
I couldn’t tell if the walls came up
Or the stress came first
Had to regulate my own outburst
At being helpless against life being overwhelming
At frustration at what built up
Between when it was so simple
When the affection came without issue
My veins strain to return to
Please let me through
Meet me there too
I will not ask any more of you
I know I must learn patience
And grief if she can’t separate the two
I don’t know if I can handle to lose
The chemistry
Let’s not make it anything
But don’t close that boundary
Everything in me begging
I guess we’ll see
It’s only beginning
To get back to healthy
To feel better around me
So I’m moving cautiously
Think I have new trauma now
It’s mine to tear down
Or use to help me hold back
When you need that
And tonight the bottle came out
Like the dark clouds
I wish you only healing now
But this morning was amazing
In simple ways that mean everything.