FoundAlongRoad

And I wanna believe
You’re just not who I think
But I was there before this hell
And the only change I can tell
Is anything for me dying in you

I guess that does mean
You’re different than what I saw
Cuz I didn’t see
The withdrawal going on so long
Or the almost disdain
How the fuck did that creep up to replace
The way your eyes used to shine at me
I feel like I went to sleep on the border to heaven
And woke up in a hell-scape
One bad night, one bad day
Using bad relatively,
Was all it seemed to take
I kept waiting for the snap back
For the reason
For it to make sense
For healing
But I only get more space
A different tone in your voice
And careful words to keep away

I’d walk through hell
Just for you as a person
it’s only that in this
Somehow you seem to want to be what I’m fighting
And I will never fight you
I guess letting go is love too..
To stop fighting for the nights we felt alive
To stop fighting to avoid tears you’ll cry
To let go of the entwined
Energy that sends you into fight or flight
To let go of the why
Cuz it’ll kill me
Looking at myself
Like I didn’t see
What I did to get here
But I always end up here
Magic turned into annoyance
So I must be the problem
I can’t be a problem again
Not to me anymore
Not to you cuz it was so much more
This time I won’t survive it
The severing
Loathing
The not knowing
It was one thing if it didn’t click
But it did
It was one thing if you were struggling, healing
But this is different
It’s violent
In that quiet way that you can’t put words to without sounding insane
But it makes you break..
On top of watching you choose pain
So maybe if I have a clot again
It’s just time
I honestly had the time of my life
For a little while
And I don’t wanna be here like this now..