FoundAlongRoad

You’re moving on now
And I broke down so hard
Ready to wreck my life like a car
But the truth is
I did this
I let you in
Maybe too far
Not enough to really know me
But I don’t regret
Seeing all of those stars
And maybe I let down my guard
And maybe I tried to show you
Love’s other side too hard
I knew what I intended
But you only felt pressured
I tried to adapt
Too late for that..
And you chose
To let it all go
But I let it make me small
Instead of demanding we talk
I let you push me away
Instead of getting you to understand when I explain
I think if you had known me
If we had communicated differently
It could’ve been something
But I let the what if haunt me
I let it all seem like nothing
When you kept pulling away again
Cuz it seemed like what you needed
I tried with humor and too many words
Then switched to disintegrating
And I’m not sure what even would’ve worked
Maybe this was always our destination
But it shouldn’t have been
A ride through hell
Avoidance
And something that never had a chance to begin
Cuz idk how to allow myself
To take up space
To say ‘hey I’m worth considering’
Or fix the misunderstanding
When I feel unwanted
So you did this
But I did this
Everyone with their reasons..
Now you’re seeing someone new
And that breaks me too
Cuz I know we probably wouldn’t have worked
But I thought we would be worth
At least trying
And at least staying friends
But I let it die too
When you ran I spiraled
But I let you
I thought you needed space
Until we could communicate
So then I chilled
And realized too late
It was frozen
It was all killed
Along with pieces of me
That were fragile still..
Cuz you’d rather try with a stranger
Then see potential in me
But I let it be that
I knew you saw too much
In every way I would act
And thought there would be time
Opportunity to fix that
Different pages but before I looked
You burned the whole book
And maybe it was the right choice
But without trying there’s always this voice
That says why am I not enough
When you got the best I ever was
And I know I gave you love
That you didn’t ask for
Thinking you would see
Once you knew me
That it wasn’t what it seemed
But I didn’t give you what you need
Appearances deceive
And now you’ll never know me..
So that’s my bad
Not trying harder sooner
To just be where you were at..
And choosing to decide
And mishandle it like that
Was you
But I know I’m guilty too.
And I know after everything
It should feel like closure to know
We both broke it
In ways we weren’t compatible
But that dead stop, retreat
And tossing of me
For some guy
Still hits like I’m 16
Cuz with you I felt that
‘standard for connection’
Energy return to me
But that’s on me..
At least now, a girl can dream..
And know not to fall into anything
with everything
And expect time to explain me..
And I can be haunted, cuz I was lucky
Getting a peek
At who you can really be
Just not with me..