FoundAlongRoad

Just tell me you’re sorry
Say you were overstimulated
Say it and mean it
Fuck why am I like this
I wrote about it now I don’t wanna leave
I avoid nothing as much as endings
Maybe I should look at that abandonment wound again
I wanna tell you to talk to me like an adult and fix this
Like I don’t know what you’ll say
Or rather what you won’t
And that it won’t be ok
And I see the pattern anyway
I have to get away
Why does my stupid heart ache..
It scared me the other day
I’m glad it’s still beating
Reminding me I don’t have time to waste
Killing myself for someone who makes me feel this way
I just know you’re not like the others
So much more under
Everything in you
But what does it fucking matter
It’s been almost months since I really mattered to you
I didn’t wanna be another wound
Didn’t want you to be one too
I wish I could shake you and make all those brilliant things you would say
Come together in your head
About me
About avoidance
About you
And how to fix this
But I can’t
I can only let myself break
And I can’t afford that anymore these days
If there was anyone worth trying to stay
Worth letting me break
It would be you but my heart can’t take it these days
I mean physically
Which you don’t even know about me
I gotta leave
I hate leaving it this way..
I was already haunted
Now in the late night softness
I hear your tears from other nights and crack open but remind myself you only cry over someone else that guy that only treats you like he’s making your own personal hell and I saw you packing his things again today
If we never talk im still proud of you for trying to stay away
I wish I inspired anything in you other than annoyance and a shade of hate
I keep thinking I could try again to be different
But I know it’s all the same
I can’t keep waiting or giving chase
Trying to fix what I didn’t break
Just cuz I think you deserve the dedication
But letting it bust me down over and over again
Having to be harder and fight for any place in this
For you to put energy toward it
No matter what I give
I didn’t ask
For anything back
Except human consideration
And the times you couldn’t give me that
I could give a million reasons
But I shouldn’t, that’s how we got where we’re at
I don’t wanna have to beg
To be seen or known or wanted
In any way
In the simplest way
And all the good times made promises
Our collective damages couldn’t keep
I’ll remember the good in you
You can hold on to the bad you see in me
I could say maybe we’ll be friends
After I’ve gotten out of your space
But I think if you could then
It would break my heart in a whole different way
And I’d still try
Like I wanna do tonight
But I gotta get out of my own way
One of us has to