FoundAlongRoad

You give me a good day
And I’m back in it like I can’t fight it
I know it’s not ok
But I just wanna be near
I just wanna be here
I just wanna try what I can
Even when on the bad ones
You say I make it all harder
But I know that’s not the whole truth
But inside it mostly is for you
Leaving feels like abandonment
Unless you tell me to
And then it would be from you
How did I end up in a trauma bond
That’s mostly just me
I’m the only one traumatized
And then my heart and brain trick me
Hmm let’s see
Fell in love but not just with what
you brought up in me
But all the long peeks
At the magic in you
That’s rare to carry
And yet you bury it so deep
Mostly with me
And your brain makes everything harder
Than it needs to be
But then you say about stuck in fight or flight
You are so good at almost simultaneously
Being incredible
And infuriating
And none of it being on purpose
This will probably kill me
But sometimes I think it’s worth it
Other nights I know I don’t wanna die
I said I don’t die for my women anymore
I’ve always sacrificed if I care no matter what feelings are or aren’t there
And I can’t even get calm or figure out what’s going on
Still no room to talk
Just brush it under the rug
Cuz I know how those gears turn
It doesn’t make it ok
But it makes it impossible to run..