FoundAlongRoad

I’ve been telling myself
In time I’ll get over it
But this is me we’re talking about
The girl that’s chased the feeling of her first
Through 100th kiss
Since I was 14
Cuz no one made me feel like she did

Until she wrapped her legs around mine
And said let’s ease the tension
It wasn’t romantic
But it was intimate
In a way I had feared I’d never feel again
And something deeply broken clicked
Only to be ripped away again
Original wound reopened
And the hole is only bigger
For lack of it
For futility of hoping
And I swear I can quit smoking
Make it a day
Until I think of your eyes
Your smile your lips
Your hands, your body quivering
Ghosts of my deepest needs denied
Strongest fears quelled
Only to be further realized
And suddenly I can’t breathe again
Get the shakes and I need it
Just a release
The smallest bit to take the edge off of it
I’m glad I won’t die without knowing I can feel like that again
But I can’t stand that I will die without the experience
One more time
To build something better from it
Just running from the haunting
Telling myself time heals everything
But that’s never been my truth
Damn cancer moon
And I think maybe if I just wanted everything
It would be easier to be heartbroken
And heal
But only wanting stolen moments
Leaves me in perpetual illusion
It could’ve been easy
It could’ve ended naturally
I guess this was natural for you
Once again all alone
In the brightest light I’ve ever known
It didn’t reach you too..
So I make a home in darkness
With only every passing conversation
And all of the stars
To remind me of you