FoundAlongRoad

The truth is I hear your voice
And my heart still clenches
Like a story without all the pages
Not just unwritten
Left unread
Just getting to the good part
Then an abrupt change of direction
Torn away with no progression
I guess that isn’t true
It had an ending
It was just one sided
Cutting and bloody
Quick like get it over with
No explanation
Character regression
I’m not staring at empty pages
The whole book is missing
Like it was only in my imagination
But I can’t rewrite what seems to be real life
And I can’t compromise with my mind
Enough to stop the psychosomatic symptoms
The vile words, the sad truth
I repeat them like a mantra
If I know you could never be my person
Then why does it never seem to stop hurting
Like an ache when it rains
I’ll forget for days
If I don’t see your face
Or hear the walking plague
Playing at being human
But the little gestures poke at bruises
The tears are never buried far enough down
And every time it’s like I’m watching myself
Wondering why she’s so burdened
By something that never could’ve blossomed
Looking back
Into anything that would’ve felt like it had
In the innocence of ignorant beginnings
And damnit I know that
I don’t want it
If she ever turned back
To turn away would break a part of me
But I know what we could never have
And I repeat the reasons like lists
And still daydream of a kiss
She doesn’t even like kissing
I don’t even know what it is that I’m missing
I can’t make it out
Can’t give it definition
I just feel the haunting
Like a memory I can’t make solid
A teasing ache
Living in every move you make
Inspiring rage
Only at the incongruity of me.
I have to understand and I can’t
With every bit that it gets easier
With every truth of difference
That clicks somewhere deep
Resounding in me
That I would never be happy with who we would be
There’s yet this white hot insolence
Holding tight like a child to an illusion
Stomping it’s feet
And in the quiet moments
Curling in upon me
Tears on it’s cheeks..