FoundAlongRoad

And I’m not an idiot
I see the space made on purpose
Cuz normal people set boundaries
They don’t say crawl on in
But I know my old bpd
And the air of obsession hanging all around me
Yes I will breathe you in
But I’ve really been working on seeing it for what it is
Learning to fill from myself and not be desperate
I’m a work in progress
When I’m hyped up I already said
Don’t give me an inch
But it’s like a hangover
When I already wrote all the pages in my head
But I swear I’ve healed to only keep it there
Just coming down again
Sometimes I just need a hit
Then reality abounds again
Chain myself to this place
I won’t create any new casualties
Keep the promise I always break
Cuz I’ve been cauterizing the past
And ok maybe some are brands
But I don’t want to live like that
Flush the system
And on special days maybe just a taste
A lick of delusion
Don’t look at the way my eyes dilate
When I say
I swear this time I won’t let it control me
Already made my mistakes tonight
Trying to live without shame
But a fine line
Restriction doesn’t come naturally
Been fiending my whole life
But I’ve seen where it gets me
You can’t climb into another’s mind
Though I’ve tried
To get in through their body
Or the stillness in the night
I guess it was it’s own horror movie
But like the final girl
Still here
And I’ve been going cold turkey all year
Is it overkill to compare it to murder
Cuz I feel like I destroy something pure
Trying to make it more
Why isn’t everything just more
Her whole personality like a candy store
I wanna run my fingers
Over all the colors
And the depth makes unwrapping so stimulating
Now I sound like a serial killer
I’m only talking about connecting
Maybe I’m just screwed up
Closest relationships I’ve ever had
We could say fucking anything
Seeing what made us tick
Couldn’t get enough
Of the freedom in that
Only had a bit
Of mixing in
Physicality with it
Is it not what everyone dreams of
Platonic or not
Minds melding
Safety and understanding
Layers peeled back like a breath after choking
On surface level
On the lack of wit and of smoking guns
Pointing at gears for knowing yourself
Knowing someone
Have you ever really been known
I wanna know
Have you ever really been known
I’ll never know
And I will accept that..
Cuz I’ve learned you only smother what you force to grow