FoundAlongRoad

It all still feels inevitable
Like one day she’ll just fall back in
If she doesn’t kill me first
The pull might be the scarier thing
Cuz idk what I would do then
I guess try to get us back in
The situationship it shouldve been
Maybe she’ll just set everything on fire instead
I guess it is more toxic
Than the beginning led
Me to believe
cuz it’s like a vortex
Against our will
pulling us in
And I can still feel the humming
In the softness
Like electricity
Just crackling
But I get now
The uncomfy feeling
Like what is this
Cuz we aren’t meant
To fit together like a love story
Or even something healthy
But I still remember the feeling
When she was researching about my pain
I think that was the last time
I felt like I might mean something
Ever since it’s like hanging on
To a cliff face
I dangle and she contemplates
Holding on just enough to keep from the drop
But not enough energy to pull me up
So I keep trying to find footing
Down in the mud
Scrambling
A toehold
A break
I can feel the weight
Holding steady
And the wind
Ready to take
Me somewhere deadly
I will never understand
The point of that
Is there a different dimension
Where we have
All the things we could’ve had
Like in the beginning
Crossing over at work
Coming home in the middle
Imagining
A future filled with the little
Efforts and blushes
Heated touches
Long nights
Just piling up
Laughter and confessions
But when you pull the plug
You can see the lesson
The shadow hovering
Getting so deep so lost
In so much n yet nothing
Cuz at what cost
And if you asked me before
I’d say that’s the secret there
What we all strive for
But having felt it now
And getting kicked out
I never wanna be so consumed
It wasn’t my dream even with you
But maybe in another world
We found a balance
And when we smoke at night
You still lay up tight
And shiver as my fingers
Trace your spine
But that’s not this timeline
And it feels like it’s missing
Like it’s twisted
Like it’s not right
We were either supposed to get it right
Or our paths not cross in the night
And I’ve always believed in lessons..
But we feel like a sheep in wolfs clothing..

And I’d love to be able to write
About ghosts, scars, healing n trauma
The world at large becoming a heating sauna
Anything that doesn’t come right back
To your mind or eyes or laugh
But it only takes one soft sentence
The gentlest place I’ve ever been
It turns to shredding cyclone winds
Then just like a tornado it’s still again
So easily forgotten
Even surrounded by the devastation
Can’t hear a thing cuz the calm is so loud
Like crawling right into the mossy ground
Up to your eyes
Looking up at leaves in sunlight
What a way to go, to die
What a time to be alive